Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
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Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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