I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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