i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
