i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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