She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
