The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
