You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
