So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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