you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
