This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
