I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
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He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
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We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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