Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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