It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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