Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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