I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
