i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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