My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
