At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
