I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
