why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
