you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
