A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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