Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
