I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
