Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
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I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
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I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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