I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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