i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
