A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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