Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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