Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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