we have officially lost it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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