please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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