her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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