I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
