There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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