woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
