i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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