sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
