Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
