life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
