Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Soap is not a condiment
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
