My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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