their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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