Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
