Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
