jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He did a backflip because drugs
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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