God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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