I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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