I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
