I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
