Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
