i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
