oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
