how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
