Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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