I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
