I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize