the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
