Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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