We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Barsexuality is the new black.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
