I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I want her autograph on my taint
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
